Chapter One: Cancer

So I thought it would be best to just start out with a bang. First scary word: cancer. The big ‘C’. Seriously I get that in general, the word is scary to talk about. Hearing of deaths brought on by it and lives that have been affected severely by it make it a scary thing to discuss. But what the heck is it? The question sounds stupid but think about it. What is cancer? Is it a disease, a plague, an epidemic? Well I could give you a medical definition but why bother when no one is ever going to remember the technical terms anyway. So here it is; cancer is a disease that attacks and basically tries to kill your immune system so that it can grow quickly and spread throughout the body. It’s a mean, vicious, horrible monster whose main goal is to destroy anything and everything.
Yup, that’s right, it’s out to kill. Awesome right? Yeah, that’s why cancer is an incredibly scary word. So how do we not let this ‘cancer’ word freak us out? Well honestly, it’s hard because it will freak us out. It is a scary thing to deal with but I’ve learned that it’s the way in which you deal with it that makes a difference. A BIG difference.
First of all you need to admit that you’re scared. If you don’t, then the cancer won’t seem real and you won’t be able to go through the rest of this book. You cannot be belittled by the cancer. It’s easy to let the term become overwhelming. The first time I heard it my heart practically stopped: “Cancer? My mom has what? Wait a minute.”
So here is my advice to you: when you first hear the term and it involves the person you love and care about, take the biggest breath you can muster and slowly, very slowly, let it out. **Important note: Do not make a big deal about this breath. The reason why you are taking this breath is so you don’t freak out in front of the person who was just told they have cancer. So let it out slowly and silently. Your freak-out time comes later. ** After you have let the breath out, absorb as much information as you can because this is when the important information is thrown at you and most people get caught up in the word that they don’t remember what comes afterwards. Absorb, accept, and react. Ask questions, take notes, and respond with interest. The person with cancer is still digesting their diagnoses so you are their eyes and ears at this moment.
Now comes your freak-out time. Take five minutes, take half an hour, take a whole night, however do not take it in front of your loved one. This is your time, for you. Let it out. It is O.K. to let it out. Cancer is scary. You do not know what lies ahead, the future is wide open, and you know that like any illness, cancer has to get worse before it can get better. So let it out. After you’ve let it out, read on.

Better? I hope so, because that was what I needed that first night, a freak-out time for myself. So now, all those notes you took (in your head and on paper), go over them again. Slowly. You’ve now absorbed the initial diagnoses and hopefully you’ve accepted it, now focus on the hereafter. The next meetings with many, many doctors are the important ones. Make sure each doctor is a right fit so ask questions, even if you think they’re dumb. The doctors like to know that you want to be involved and in the know.
Now, whether your loved one is at their place of residence or in a hospital room, I can guarantee you they did not have a good night sleep. So be ready for a lot of daytime naps for the next couple days. Go in to their room with your knowledge and questions at-the-ready. They may not want to go into all of it right away but be ready for their questions. Be ready for this one especially: “So, what do you think?” It will come up at some point, if not the first one, so be honest. Tell them how you feel. They aren’t super thrilled about the diagnoses either so they want to vent about it as I’m sure you do too. So vent together. Then after venting (and most likely some crying) give them the biggest hug you have in you. There isn’t a bigger gift or message you can give to them then everything that is said in a hug.
And then, the doctors begin; Many doctors with many plans for the future. The worst part; they’re all necessary. Get your questions ready because now we’ll go into some of the scary words they will throw out, the first one: tumor.

Prelude

It’s 3 a.m. on a Wednesday morning. I’m slouched very uncomfortably up against a wall, sitting in one of those round, wheelie doctor chairs. Every time I close my eyes I get horrible images in my head of what is happening. I look over at my mother sleeping in the hospital bed with wires and tubes and an annoying machine that beeps every five minutes. I haven’t admitted it yet to her but man, am I scared. The doctors have run so many tests, how many more can they run? They seem to have ruled out every diagnosis possible, except the really scary ones, which makes me even more terrified of what the doctor will say next. I still can’t believe that this is happening. She doesn’t need this, I don’t need this. What the heck is going on?

Just a couple of hours ago I was beginning to move home from school. I was packing, loading the car, and studying for finals. Mom just said she had stomach pains but seriously, it can’t be so bad. Why does she have to go through all this? I want answers, I need answers. There is a soft rap on the door, the doctor walks slowly into the dark room and turns on the light, revealing a somber expression on his tired face. I hear my mom stirring as the light wakes her but I cannot take my eyes off the doctor’s face. I can feel the tension and anxiety heighten in the small room.

It's one of those moments when the stomach clenches, the body goes rigid, goose bumps form on the skin, and the heart skips a beat. The eyes immediately glaze over and fall into a sort of trance while the brain goes fuzzy. The doctor then confirmed one of my worst fears; cancer. What a small word for so many emotions and questions to go along with it. Fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, confusion. What now?

After my mom was diagnosed with Stage III colon cancer I heard so many medical terms and conditions that I, like so many others in my position, became so overwhelmed with it all. And honestly, I was scared spit less. Every term was scarier then the last and they were thrown around like they had no meaning. To a doctor or a nurse, the terms described in this book are common however I am not a doctor, and the terms were not common. Each mention of ‘life-prolonging’, ‘chemotherapy’, and ‘remission’ stung me like a thousand bees. My head became numb to the words so that the pain could become bearable. But still, I had no idea how to react to the terms, and the pain. So that is why I wrote this book, for the people out there that are going through all this and need some help. From a real person who won’t use medical terms and will give it to you straight.

This book lays out the reasons why some cancer terms are scary and hard to deal with and also goes over some ways of how to deal with them. I know how hard the cancer journey is and how tough of a person you have to be to make it through in one piece. So here we go, let’s break down the scary words, face them head on and get through this.

Bring it, cancer.